Yes.

Minecraft

2010-09-11T02:13:00.004+01:00

Minecraft is a Java based RPG/world creator/sandbox that will have your jaw hanging limply below your kneecaps.

There's a few modes but i'm going to focus on the main mode which is minecraft: Alpha, which yes, is still in Alpha.

For a game that's around a year old and is written in java, i'm

surprised I didn't year about it earlier.

Well the basic jist of the game is that you start a new game and the program generates a random map which you're then thrown unforgivingly into.

You have a few game hours to make a shelter and to get something to do during the night, unless you want to die while trying to slay one of four beasts of the land.

Spiders, skeletons, Zombies and creepers are all trying to stop you from perfecting the infinite landscape. you must mine for invaluable resources such as iron, coal and diamond, so that you can rid of these monsters and create a paradise. That is of course unless you play in peaceful

mode, where your health regenerates and there are no nasty monsters.

In addition to monsters there are four regular animals which you can farm for health giving products and other useful things; Cows, chickens, sheep and pigs are all part of the unforgiving yet,

beautiful landscape.

This games has neither the best graphics nor the best physics engine (actually it doesn't even have an engine) but it works well and has a fully supportive

community and an awesomely talented Coder behind it which quite honestly means the possibilities for this game are endless.

As far as the story goes, you can just make it up and as far as character design goes, well hell, you can make that up too. it take a bit of working out but in the end is worth it.

I still haven't mentioned the truly unique aspect of this game. Everything is made out of blocks which you can pick up and craft, smelt, place or just smash. The whole world it a mesh which you

can modify to your hearts content. obviously spawning from this a huge penis and breast structures, or maybe something more sophisticated like super mario?

Well this is a game you can really let your imagination run riot, which a mob full of people holding flaming touches.

For nine euro I would definitely recommend getting this. It's not quite done yet thought so

there's many more things to be added. You can play it in browser or you can download the game to your hard drive, but it only take a few kb (one of the plus sides for using java) so I would download if you can.

Gears of war two and Mass effect 2 comparison.

2010-05-12T16:46:00.003+01:00

well, I've just got a hold of 'Gears of war 2' for the Xbox 360 and it struck me that it's kind of similar to mass effect, here's the run down:

'Gears of war 2' is a game made by Epic games and stars a rather butch crew in a 3rd person shooter.

not played the first gears but i'm guessing that the ~~collectors zerg scrin~~ locust came up from the ground and blew some shit up.

well the colour palette is pretty much every shade of brown.

The only problems with games like this is that combat is never surprising at all the combat zones are filled with knee high walls and pillars.

as you might be able to tell the game play is manly duck and shoot, sometimes run somewhere.

it's pretty fun though, not going to lie.

'Mass effect 2' is a game made by Bioware and stars a rather talkative crew in a 3rd person RPG.

not played the first gears but i'm guessing that the collectors ~~zerg scrin locust~~come down from space and steal colonies.

well the colour palette is pretty much every shade of grey.

The only problems with games like this is that combat is never surprising at all the combat zones are filled with knee high walls and pillars.

as you might be able to tell the game play is mainly run somewhere sometimes duck and shoot.

This game is huge, with loads of different options at almost every point in the game, this makes the game have a high replay value.

The games are pretty similar as they both have weird looking alienistic bad guys that you have to shoot from behind low walls with regenerating health, but I'm going to go ahead and say I liked 'Mass effect 2' more.

Dyson.

2009-08-16T23:30:00.003+01:00

pro space gardening!

It's not out yet but I Beta like the cool guy I am!

October the ninth, a day that will leave many starved, a day that no one will sleep, a day that every one will be playing Dyson.

Dyson is a fresh new 'Indie' (independent) game that has the rule of 'give a little, gain a lot'.

Pretty much you get these seed things that I like to call clangers, because they clang, and an asteroid belt.
The aim of the gaim is to take over the asteroid belt in a fury of Clangs.

So you start each level with a tree on an asteroid and some seeds.
The longer you have the tree, the bigger it grows, the faster it spawns seeds, the happier you become.

Game play is highly addictive and is actually really fun.
the gist is easy to pick up (just like a penguin) so you don't have to be WTFPWN to get anywhere.
the game does have a speed curve like that of a train.
it starts off with lightning slow then gradually gets faster then before you know it, your still speeding up and then you go quickly.

The graphics.
I'm going to go ahead and say the graphics of this game are more effective than those of any PS3 game i have seen.
I'm not saying <, > or =. just more effective.
Mindsplittingly simple, yet i fell in love with them faster than i smashed the phone book on that huge spider.
I think they call it Character in 'relocation relocation', I'm just going to say it has a charm stronger than that of Pikachu.

Story
ummm.

requirements.
yeah, don't worry unless your computer comes from the 80s, in which case LOL @ U!

EVE: Online

2009-07-27T22:42:00.003+01:00

Virtual life, it's a bitch.

EVE is one of those MMORPGs (muh-mor-pa-gh) games.
And it exploited my weakness. Space.
For as long as I can remember; I have been trying to move things using the force.
Mainly due to a childhood obsession with starwars but also because I thought space was so awesome.

So to the game.
It ain't free...
I think it's about £8:50 a month or something.
Best thing is to get the 21 day free trial.
If you ask me a 21 day free trial isn't enough to grasp the experience.

This game is made to reflect real life, meaning it has an economy, corporations and a history of slavery...
There are four factions: Amarr (old imperialist people who like baige), Caldari (corporate easy mode), Gallente (human rights campaigners) and minmatar (former slaves of the Amarr).
I chose Gallente thinking "oh great! this will have huge impact on the game!". Wrong.
due to learning books, you can fly any ship of any race as long as you have the time.
Caldari ships seem to be best balanced.

The skill idea. If you are going to get this game, make sure you do the learning skills first. learning skills make all the others go faster, so instead of having a week for a certain skill you'll have 2 days. The learning means that the younger your character the more shit you're going to be.

It's a good game, it really is, but that doesn't mean the people on it are nice. hell no!
I was lucky enough to meet these genuine safe guys. a week after joining their corp bla bla bla some people started war on us. we thought yeah fine that in game rules.
Then they pulled out my CEO's personal information and posted it where every one could see it. They also threatened his family. we thought, yeah fine we'll post a petition to CCP (the games developers) to which they did nothing.
This is just a warning, if your spouse or kids are playing this game, I recommend you check it out just to see what kind of stuff goes down.
my CEO is now thinking of taking legal charges against CCP of Internet crimes.

CCP aren't all bad though, they let you complain to them about how annoying some aspects of the game are. such as tremendous lag and random closure of the program.
Some one once said: "I want a girlfriend like EVE; they go down on you in the middle of the day without cause or explanation".

let me just tell you how huge this game is.
If we set up all the continents into Pangaea again, and set up a ship to fly across the map and had a race, you would win by over 80 days.
This game is for those who have A LOT of free time as with any MMORPG but i think EVE is pretty damn complicated, and if you don't have much free time or don't like complicated things then i suggest either homeworld or startrek.

'Flatout 2'

2009-06-09T19:48:00.003+01:00

Do the bump and grind...

'Flatout 2', by Bugbear, is a nuts thrill ride that will leave you shaking in your seat!
It's the kind of game that would make your mum cry; unless, of course, your mum is a Texan.

Where to start...
Ah! The start line!
Every environment is nearly 100% destructible. That does include the start line and many, many, many walls. Sadly trees are not destructible and I was thrown out my front windscreen (literally) only to land; smack bang in the middle of the race course, then run down by five aggressive dicks.
You might think: "Hmmm... I can fuck up my surroundings... buuuut, wouldn't that mean the graphics would get tuned down a little?"
No. I can tell you: this game is 3 years old and I found the graphics to be amazing; not that I had much time to look at anything...

Laps in the race events are pointless.
They could have put a time limit of 10 seconds on and saw that got the furthest and it would make no difference, as the only bit of the race that matters is the end. Not to say the races are bad, but, as I found with Mario kart, you can be right at the end of a race and FUCK UP!

If racing 'aint yo' thing, Fear Not!
One of the reasons I remembered the title "Flatout" was because one night five years ago, I was at this guys house. We spent all night flinging a limp man out of a windscreen in an event called "high jump". Actually, we didn't spend all night doing that because we started to work out and do all sorts of manly things like breaking Rottweiler’s faces.
Any who, Thankfully Bugbear brought back the awesome events; such as: high jump, darts, ring of fire, baseball, and quite a few more.

Even if you just want to kill some bitches this game is for you!
As well as the events and racing, there is a "Derby" mode; or as I like to call it: "Death Arena".
This was a surprise for me actually!
I love it. Driving round and smashing directly into another car made out of paper (with the explosive tendencies of a nuclear bomb) is a real kick.
And for all those rim leachers, there's a time limit for not hitting cars. You have 45 seconds from each hit to get another BAFF!

The cars are well balanced and pretty much, you either have a strong one, a fast one, or one that turns well.
The Performance shop allows you to pimp your ride; so you can make it faster or stronger ect. The money system is also good, though I found myself thinking that I shouldn't have that much money, as I didn't realize that for every shunt or push you give someone you get paid!
WOOP!

Why?!
Why the hell did the sound man allow fall out boy to be on this game?
That's my one disappointment about this game: the music.
Yes, maybe if I was a Nascar loving guy wearing a white vest I would like it;
but being a skimpy boy in my room, I think hardcore drum and bass would beat Nickleback.
Underoath are good though, as is Rob Zombie.

Overall I think this game is aimed towards the young, spunky audience, like myself. Though I think any angry person could load this up and have a play; as long and they reconfigure the controls, otherwise you'll have no clue what's going on.
Thumbs up!

'Alien Shooter 2 Reloaded'

2009-05-29T20:34:00.002+01:00

In a Word: splat.

In words:

How much fun can you have with game demos?
One hell of a lot!

This game has a tittle like 'Snakes on a Plane'; Does exactly as it says on the can.
Shooting hundreds of pixelated, four legged, martians kept me entertained for ages.

There are three game modes: Campaign, Survive and Gun Stand.
Now, I'm the kind of guy who likes to defend my base; so needless to say my favourite mode is 'Gun Stand' - a mode in which you fend of hoards of aliens...
With this mode though I sometimes felt like some old dear had asked me to paint the roads red in an interesting way.
Of course the turret is fully upgradable, with four differant options: extra turrets, grunts, chain gun or rockets.

Campaign: Wow. first level blew me away. It blew me away while I was blowing away many, many hundreds of invading bastards. The voice acting could do with improvement but it did the job alright. I was actually supprissed to find out that a game with this tittle actually had a story!

Survival: pretty much campaign but without the story. wonder round a field and shoot stuff. WOOP!

WHBBI: the graphics where a tad better. They aren't that great for 2007. But the game is only 600MB

I enjoyed the Demo for this and hopefully, soon I will be able to enjoy the whole game. All I need to wait for is that cheque to go through...

The Swan Princess

2009-05-26T22:06:00.002+01:00

Sorry about the long gap, I have exams.

In a word: elegant.

In 236 words:

Two royal children are forced to get along when one year the prince asks the princess if they could wed. On hinting that there is no more to her than beauty she leaves and is stolen by a vengeful Ganon look-a-like, turned into a swan by day and get's shot at by said prince.

I'm not the biggest fan of Disney, as every story is pretty much the same, but they go about it in different ways...
I do like how they go about it though. Especially in this film.
seeing as there’s always one, lets start with the grumpy old one.
Today’s OAP is none other than Ganon (at least that’s what I call him), who can cast spells and shape-shift.

Our next contestant is young beautiful and gets turned into a swan. Yes, it’s Odette!

At first she seems to not get along with another of the competitors and then this is sealed when he cannot say there can be anything more to her than beauty.

Our buffoon of a prince is tricked time and again by the evil lord Ganon.

I have to say, the music is wicked! I love every song!

Not too sure the story line is too good though…

Not very ready salted…

I thought the ending was a bit dry.

WHBBI: The prince hauled on a green tunic and pulled out the master sword and slayed the evil Pig-man.

'Plants Vs Zombies'

2009-05-09T14:17:00.004+01:00

In a word: original...

In 235 words:

I was zooming around playing G-mod when I got a little bored of shooting stupid combine in the face and thought I would check out steam's deals and new releases.
"A colourful garden; with zombies in it? What is this tom-foolery!
OH MY GOD! PLANTS SHOOTING ZOMBIES!"
Since Paypal is taking it's time setting up, I thought it would actually be a better idea if I got the trial just to see what it was like.
I have no shame in saying "I am a fan of peggle". I don't have any of the actual games but I had one hell of a lot of fun with the demo that came with 'The Orange Box'.
Playing both 'Peggle' and 'PVZ' ('Plants Vs Zombies') I realized that ‘Popcap Games’ have made their own style. A style that works whether you be shooting a very dramatic 'Bagatelle' or you be shottin' zombies.

The only time, I think, I've seen a plant shoot some one was back in '100,000,000 BC'.
This game is more original than ready salted!
Normally, it's the zombie eating stuff...
Not anymore. Today I saw an aubergine (eggplant) eat the undead.

I am now just raring for 'Paypal' the step their game up and set up my bloody account so I can get this game and also get 'Universe At War' for less than a fiver! Too bad the demo was only an hour…

Wrath of the Ninja

2009-05-05T17:32:00.002+01:00

In a word: HE-YAA

In 236 words:

This film falls into the Stupid pointless category, meaning "Everything you have done has only helped the other side!". It happened in 'The supernaturalist', It happened in 'Star wars', it happened in 'Collateral Damage', and it pissed me off!

Story line: Three ninjas have to unite to defeat evil in an age of war.

It's a bit fuzzy. Especially for those that don't go by the Tensho calendar. I had no idea why anything was happening or when, all I knew is that people where dying - 'Gantz' style! The fuzziness is due to the fact that this film is a sliced, diced anime, pasted onto VCR

The music gave away the time the film was made; the 80's. Everything from this film reeks the 80's (Believe me, I've seen 'The Terminator'): The style of drawing, the music, the hair. The hair. Forget That Shit!

If I could relate this film to some video games - wait. I can (and will). 'Mortal Combat', 'Onimusha', 'Ninja Gaiden and 'House of the Dead 2'. Why house of the dead you cry! The voice acting. Could you be any more like a monotonal stone?!

So once again the story Annoyed me and the characterisation really annoyed me. at least make the blue flame guy do a rap; 'cos that's what he sounded like he was going to do!

WHHBI: they were proper ninjas and if the drawing was sharper.

Let's beat it!

2009-05-02T00:51:00.000+01:00

Many lives are effected by breast cancer. The fight against breast cancer should not only be up to the victims but it should be a fight for all humanity - female or male, it doesn't matter.
We all have to fight as hard as we can, whether we be back up/support or whether we, ourselves have the cancer.

Support the pink!

For daily posts with facts, poems and inspirational quotes about breast cancer Follow 'T
he Journey To Within Yourself' and comment the latest post saying you were refferred by me (unless you already follow or you weren't refferred by me).

I hope you raise millions!

'Casshern'

2009-04-30T19:12:00.003+01:00

In a word: depressing.

In 2:20 words:

Come on! Did you have to make that film so sad?!

Some guy goes to war, dies, get's brought back to life by his dad, has to stop some other people - Created from the "Neo-cells" that are bent on killing humans.

I'm proud of myself as I didn't get that "What the hell is Osmosis fluid?" though my brain had turned to mush by the second hour. It is a long film, at 2:20 - no not two minutes and twenty seconds - two hours and twenty minutes.

It switches from horribly tear-jerking to epically epic the same speed as a sprinter changes legs.
I didn't cry, but oh so very nearly did.

Put in the oven for half an hour at 200 degrees. Oops, that’s dinner

At some point Tetsuya gains a pro suit of amour at which point i scribbled down "ROCOBOP!"
The music is powerful in fight scenes and soft in the sad parts. The editor for this film is flippin' awesome! Graphics are a big part of Casshern and I'll admit at the beginning I thought it was a bad move. Not at the end mate.
The costumes are amazing!

I thought the end was good but a bit weird.

WHBBI: I was watching it the second time round and if they explained the lightning.

http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/action_adventure/watch/v17513895S7WBC6Jg

Well done!

2009-04-29T17:03:00.003+01:00

I came back from my afternoon nap, and this is what i find!

Thank you 1.000.000 project!

Here's what the award is all about:

The recipient of this award is recognized for the following:
1) The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2) The Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3) There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences and Beliefs.
4) The Blog is refreshing and creative.
5) The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.
The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following steps:
1) Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
2) The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post.
3) Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved – preferably citing one or more older post to support.
4) The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions.
5) The Blogger must display the Award at any location at the Blog.

What my blog (E_M_Y Reviews) has achieved so far:
Well, it's hard to say. i havent really done much! I've seen a few weird films and writen what i thought about them.
I started these reviews as a kind of help for my English skills which have always be very little and i think they have improved...

I hereby pass this wonderful award on to;

1. Tara @ 'Living Day To Day With Multiple Sclarosis'.
2. Creativestudent @ guerrilla blogging

Enjoy these lovely blogs!

Let's fight together! Help save lives.

2009-04-28T19:24:00.004+01:00

Crank

2009-04-25T18:55:00.002+01:00

In a word: non-stop

In 296 words:

"I'm looking for something beginning with an E."
"England?"

I went from seeing this blood-pumping swear box film to having tea and biscuits with my grandma.
I felt very anti-social!

Angry assassin gets injected with "Chinese shit" and needs to have adrenalin pumped into his blood to stay alive. If he doesn't he will die in less than an hour.

Chev must rampage, GTA style, through that city with Beverly Hills in it shouting insults down a phone that resemble a few of Caspa and Rusco's songs...
At one point give gives it up the back ally to his girlfriend in the middle of China town, which I found a bit strange, but it's all to keep alive remember...

Best line in the entire film: "There's a white nigga with a gun!" that is the height of LMAO.
The dialog mainly consists of: fuck, shit, mother fucker and various other swearwords that make me laugh. As you can probably tell this film has no smart. it is all action and booty. Non-the-less it's funkin’ awesome! No problems with the acting either.

I, myself though I would also have to keep my adrenalin up while watching this and didn't stop moving the while time. This feeling was helped by the furious music that was blasted into my ears. I want those songs!

I have still to meet some one that can receive head, drive a car and be shot at/chased all at the same time.
The editing style kind of fazed out half way through the film losing it's video game and slightly 80's style and going for the more wacky drug style and I liked the first style a lot more!

WHBBI: there was more jokes about Chav being English. But other than that it's enjoyable.

Gremlins 2: A new batch

2009-04-22T20:01:00.004+01:00

In a Word: Hilarious.

In 354 words:

I have seen the first film. I saw it about a year and a half ago.
My favourite part was when the old lady got thrown out of her window by her stair lift.

When this film started I thought a stupid person had linked me to the wrong film, a Looney tunes film. Do not fear!

NEW YORK!
The old guy from the last film has moved shop to New York!
buuuuut, he dies and his shop gets taken over by some massive company who demolish it and take Gizmo (a weird furry creature called a Mogwai).
Gizmo is now in the crazy, animal testing part of the ridiculously high tech office block.
Soon saved by his friend from the fist film and is kept in a draw.

We are soon reminded of the rules of having a Mogwai: don't shine bright light on them, or they'll die - don't let them get wet - don't feed them after midnight.

So what happens next?
Water is sprayed on Gizmo and his spawn eat after midnight. Damn.
So now there are little green buggers running round wrecking the place.

So that's the film from then on.

I sit here munching on Hobnobs creams thinking: "what makes this film original?"
Well, there are a number of things. This film knows that it's a kind of crappy film and emphasizes it to the extreme.
This film couldn't scare my Nan but bloody hell it can make me crease.

There are a few varieties of Gremlin this time: Bat, Spider, smart, electric, transvestite and Rambo.

This film oozes with epic. With such deaths as: Concrete, shredder, headshot and mass electrocution. It's not really a film you have to pay attention to but if you don't you will seriously have a few wtf moments.

SOOO many references! The only way I can describe it is by saying this film is self aware. It knows it's a film and plays with it. Hulk Hogan turns up at one point. I have one funny memory of Hulk Hogan...

I prefered the first one. It had better music

Go watch now!

Megavideo

2009-04-21T21:03:00.001+01:00

I was hoping to review a film tonight but due to megavideo being a time Nazi I wont be able to.

"Thtough the fire and BONK"

2009-04-19T02:21:00.002+01:00

Any one who plays Team Fortress 2:

Through the fire and flames:

Ninja Terminator

2009-04-17T00:58:00.004+01:00

In a word: Pointless

In 322 Words:
What the hell just happened?
An hour an a half ago I was laughing my balls off thinking I’d found some one that had actually thought "Hey, you know that film with the metal dude? Wouldn’t it be so much cooler if he was a ninja as well?", but no. I found some one that didn’t know what the hell they were doing.

The story:
Is lame.
Three reckless hoodies have a piece of, no joke, "The golden ninja warrior" which belongs to the "Ninja Empire" and they fight each other for some reason.
Completely unrelated: Some people with animal names kidnap each others girlfriends for a while and then fight. A lot.

Yeah that's about it.

Who the hell designed the costumes for this film? You made a ninja look like solid snake. And another portion of the cast look like the Chinese Monday blues.
What ninja wears bright orange?!

Everything in this film was pointless: The weird GRIM oral sex bit, the other sex bit, the crappy dialog, the whole thing.

The first half of the film was a laugh. True cheese. Half way through I must have had the biggest mood swing because i started getting angry with it...
It would be absolutely nuts with friends though!
Towards the end I found myself thinking a number of things.
What the hell is going on?
Why is solid snake having a sword fight with the Emperor?
I wish L/Ryusaki was there...
Who’s the bad guy again?

This film has also warped my mind making me think that every Chinese person:
Can do martial arts.
Flies 10 meters whenever hit in the head.
Also flips while flying.
This film also made me think ninjas:
Flip everywhere.
Can teleport.
Can shoot smoke out of their palms
Creep around each others houses all day
Are sword proof.

WHBBI: It actually had a cybernetic organism from the future and the people in it could act...

2009-04-15T18:57:00.003+01:00

A very wonderful surprise. SQ at 'The road to here' has presented my little blog with Neno's Award. Thank you, SQ for the honor.

NENO'S AWARD

The award is:
1) a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
2) to seek the reasons why we all love blogging.

I write this blog to help improve my writing and to quench my thirst for finding new knoledge and films.

The aims of this award:

1)As a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
2)To seek the reasons why we all love blogging.
3)Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
4)Don't forget to mention the person who gives you the award.
5)Answer the award's question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
6)Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.
7)Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post.

I also would like to pass on the award to the following blogs:
1. Justsoyouknow @ Can you earn extra income online
2. Creativestudent @ Guerrilla blogging
3. Lisa Langmead @ A modern housewifes hints and tips. (she seems to be away at the moment though...)

The Prodigy: Invaders Must Die

2009-04-14T21:19:00.005+01:00

Finally one thats out before midnight!

Can i just appollogise for leaving my window open and exposing members of the public exposed to my awful dancing. If you can call it dancing...

In a word: Repetitive

In 408 Words:

I started listening to the first of 11 songs which was Omen. As soon as the song started I felt like killing something. Not because it was a bad song but because all the adrenalin that ever existed just got pumped through my bloodstream at a million miles per hour.

I had to find something to kill so I though I would bring out "the cube" and bust out some Melee. Turns out I’ve lost the bloody cable for the damned thing so I used my Wii. I had the memory cards the wrong way round so I had to switch them and in the process I deleted the data of my good, complete game. So naturally (now on the second song: Invaders must die) I felt like killing innocent bunnies.

As you can imagine, this album will get even King Tut's blood pumping. All apart from 'Warriors dance' that is.

Most of the lyrics are the songs title - Pretty uncommon lately seeing as every one wants to be techno- no we don't use that word anymore do we? Seeing as every one wants to be Electro gods. Well I’ll give rights to The Prodigy cos' they are NANG at it.

Yes. I did find some of the songs a bit like some of Pendulum's music but I also found striking resemblance between that twiddly bit from Omen and the music from the gameboy game: robot wars bla bla. I also thought it sounded a bit like the Half-life 2 music. Weird ey?

It will get a bit dry after a while but never mind that because the last song: Stand Up is really good. Though it's about five and a half minutes of the same bar or two. Stand Up, the name, reminded me of a conversation I had yesterday with my friends about how to keep "Mr. Happy" standing up. That was fun, seeing as I was the only guy with three girls...

So any odd little bits I have to say? Well, yes thanks for asking. There are some stupid lyrics in there but not quite as bad as "always tell your mummy before you go off somewhere". One of their songs was called the same thing a Pendulum song was called.

WHBBI: It had hard, strong, pumping bass.

Do not download this for free. Its worth buying from a shop - though if you're really pressed for cash then I’ll let you off.

2001: A Space Odyssey.

2009-04-13T22:39:00.003+01:00

Right; let's see what the internet throws up at me tonight...

Movies, Sci-fi. hmmm. I feel for something good, like, with the epicness of star wars and the originality of ‘The hitchhikers’ guide to the galaxy’.

12 Monkeys? no. Casshern? no. Deep end? no, that sounds like porn. Cerberus? Wait, I've seen that before. It was shit.
OOOO! This one!

No, that’s a fake 8 legged freaks.

I KNOW! 2001: A Space Odyssey!

In a word: okay...

In 427 Words:

Ummm. Yeah.
Not quite as epic as star wars (I was a big star wars fan as a kid so shh) but it was one of the most original films I've seen, and for that I respect it.

Normally right now I would be explaining the story; but who ever write this film had an idea, wrote it down, had another idea and Rolled with one and a half ideas.
Believe me there is absolutely no point in watching the first hour or so. I see no point in it, other than to show off effects that they have, for example: zero gravity.

So Basically the second (and whole) idea consisted of A robot called HAL. I liked HAL, he reminded me of GLaDOS from 'Portal'. He also had a kind of Creepy charm to him. Well, it turns out said computer makes a mistake and the two astronauts on the same ship conspire to de-commition him in a sound proof vessel. To bad for them HAL can read lips and tries to kill them. He Kills one, but Dave fights on and, effectively, kills HAL.

From there on I have no idea what happened. I was watching but I don't get it. Wikipedia says it's a "stargate", but hell to that! It's just showing off weird 1968 effects - which I can now do on windows movie maker.

The first half of an idea was something about a man going to the moon where there was a supposed epidemic but that was just a cover up from a Large black block which made a horrible ear splitting noise.

Do not watch this film with headphones! I did and I think I might have to invest in some new ear drums. This film has the pieces of music I can only describe as: ba baa baaaaa DUN DUN! and ba ba ba ba do-do do-do. Some times, though I felt like slapping the sound man and saying: "NO MORE!"

The acting is all good, apart from the little girl, but i think I'll let her off from cuteness.

Believe me this film goes on for EVER! It refuses to go away, just like that guy. Yeah, that guy in a video game you think you've killed but he comes back. Yes I am talking about Alastor from Painkiller.

How many Parodies of this film are there?

Would have been better if (whbbi): It made sense. Can some one explain the meaning of the end to me please? And can some one explain what happened at the end?

Review: of Robocop: Dark Justice/Meltdown/Ressurection/Crash and Burn

2009-04-09T22:11:00.003+01:00

Can I just say: "Thank fuck that's over".

Links will be added tomorrow - maybe an adit aswell.

In a word: Lengthy

In 1,195 Words:

Robocop is, well, a cyborg police officer based in Detroit - which gave me a massive headache.

I'm going to treat these films as one, because as far as I can tell they are set (and filmed) in the same week. No, seriously, there is no sense of time at all.

We start off with a 'Starship troopers' style News cast highlighting the problem of a small group of suicide bombers (which I can’t remember the name of, something like Da Bomb) and who should turn up? YAY! ROCOBOP! Borocop shoots the bombers and is then taken out by a fat man in a stupid costume: "Bone Machine".

It is later discovered that Bonner machine has prototypes from the OCP (an equivalent to the Umbrella Corporation - but with robots). The OCP control almost everything. OCP are in financial collapse and One Sparking member, Damien, Has a plan which he describes as "Divine Intervention" (all I could think of was a priest with a gun). This idea was to have a giant super-computer control the entire city. A young, fresh employee of OCP (James Murphy) gets IMs telling him to meet at some loading bay at 8. he goes and there’s a secret thing going on.

It's here where a sense of time is needed. There is a flash back of before Coborop existed and he was Alex Murphy - working with John Cable. They were playing chess then John exposed himself to beat Alex and called it the "Cable Manoeuvre".

Later that day, they got a call to go check out a dog, which was eating human flesh.
After seeing what the dog was having a munch on they decided to check out the house and subsequently found a young woman in a chest-fridge and a man that takes John hostage.
The criminal Demands that Alex drop his gun while John tells him to shoot.
Alex drops the gun and is then told to "die" by the perpetrator and is somehow shoot dead my John.
John receives a medal and Alex looses respect for him.

Back to present tense. We now find out that that James Murphy is Pocobor's son. In this film; every one knows every one - and is related to them! So loads of stuff happens that is quite insignificant, then out of nowhere BOCOPOR GETS 1337 HACKZ and is told to "Terminate John Cable". Now, is it me or does that remind you of "Terminate John Connor"? Hmmm...
So, anyway, the roobcop chases John CABLE and then is confronted a second time with The Skeleton producer, who then takes John hostage. This time Alex shoots and kills John - with armour piercing bullets.

Film 2: OCP gets infiltrated by some women in leather hacking into S.A.I.N.T (the computer to control everything) and Porocob saves the day! Again! Woo!

You know I said John Died? Well he comes back as another Robocop. But for the simplicity I will just call them by their names and stop making up silly anagrams...

So John is told to go out and wreck shit up; thus framing Alex.
Alex is now to be recalled and doesn't know anything about it until he sees it on Federal network and a few police with guns come round the corner and shoot at him. He's then confronted by John and they have a fight which results in Alex driving into a river.

HERE COME THE HOMELESS NINJAS! ok, I’m sorry it's not really part of the film but it's on TV in the film... soo... well I found it funny.

Feeling rejected Alex tries to do the mega64 Resident evil 4 skit and dress in a large coat. he needs to get a processor for something.

As well as John after him, Alex now has the "robo-hunters" on his tail. The robo-hunters use powerful electric weapons to stop Robots.

Alex manages to Reclaim John from lies and they run away together.

The guy that came up with saint is fired for hiring the "Robo-hunters" and kills the entire Board using pressure and heat - Supplied by S.A.I.N.T.

Film 3:
Yeah Film 3 is just that Alex gets his memory back and John is captured and now controlled by an evil scientist called Dr. David Kaydick, who has invented the "Legion" virus - which can infect PCs and People. Dun dun dun! There is a lot of gun fighting and James finds out Robocop is his dad.

Also Damien becomes President of the OCP/a dickhead.

Film 4:
S.A.I.N.T is activated at midnight and Kaydick plans to infect the city with the Trojan Virus and every one has to stop him bla bla bla...
Every one gets into the Skynet building and it goes into lock down preventing escape.

Some fights take place and by now I’d forgotten nearly everything from the first film...

Kaydick successfully uploads the virus and there isn’t much they can do to stop it seeing as Alex is quite messed up.

Somehow every one apart from Kaydick and his ex wife get out of the main control room and are running from John, who catches up with them and turns Alex off.

Meanwhile, Kaydick and the wife are evaporating - woops sorry, pixelating and they both die without being able to set off the EMP to stop the ‘Red Queen’.

John stumbles up to the A.N.G.E.L computer and says "Do you play chess?", immediately I went OH CRAP! Then I think you can guess what happened after that.

The end was good (tone of unease invoice) but could have been a hell of a load better, like having a thumbs up. No, wait, that’s taken.

Films/Games i can connect this to: Judge Dredd, The Terminator, Irobot, Star Wars, Resident Evil, Any game that allows god made/Bullet proof made and Half-life.

This film is so much like Judge Dredd, I nearly shat myself with frustration. At one point I actually thought I was watching The damn thing. I kept expecting to hear: "I AM. THE LAW!" - I didn't though...

The Effects were alright. Apart from the scenery; Dreddful.

Acting was the usual (kind of) mediocre alrightness.

The sets where really quite good! Come to think of it, I didn’t realize they were sets.
WOAH!

The story = confused people. Who, in this film, wasn't a mum or dad?

The costumes were good apart from the Robo-hunters which looked like over eccentric paintballers and I swear one just had a master chief outfit on!

The TV in the film i thought was going to ask me if I wanted to "view more". There were two things on the TV i liked: The homeless ninjas and the OTOMO!

This Film had way to many likeness' to films. who puts a man called John and a woman called Sera in a film where theres a cyborg?

Over all: Don’t watch this all at once, like I did. I you do follow this guide: Have food, have water, have an icepack helmet, do it with a large screen in the dark, keep your finger on the volume control, Pay attention and last but not least watch it with a mate who is more eager to see it then you. If you can't be bothered to sit and watch for over 6 hours; watch Judge Dredd instead.

Review of film: MULAN

2009-04-06T23:12:00.003+01:00

In a word: wonderful.

In 454 words:

It's been years since I last watched this. I'd forgotten how funny it was. Sometimes, though, Eddie Murphy gets on my nerves and steals the show a bit.

For those that haven't seen Mulan, It's set in China during the Sui dynasty (which means the time when China and the Mongols were at war - hence the great wall of China)

One man from every Family in Mulan's village is called up, and being the only man in the family, Mulan's father steps up to the honour. Opposing to this "honour", and previously disgracing her family name, Mulan decides to Take the draft paper and pose as a man in the army. Woops.

Knowing Mulan has escaped to the country The Ancestors send the great stone dragon after her but a small red dragon named Mushu accidentally breaks it, so he goes in its place.

Thinking it would be a good idea, Mushu teaches (unsuccessfully) Mulan how to act like a man which result in enemies...

Upon failing so much Mulan gets thrown out of the army mid-song, but proves herself worthy by climbing the top of a large pole and fetching (so kindly) her dashing commander’s arrow.

No and expects her to be a man until She is wounded while taking down the whole Hun army simultaneously saving her commander. She is spared because she saved the commander.

There is a large celebration yet, Shock and horror - some of the Huns aren't dead! And then it's the climactic ending.

AHG! Tay Zonday is depressing me!

So, you got the essentials; good story, good voice acting, good animation.

It's great for kids. I loved it and about ten or so years later, i still love it. It has the charm which settles you down for some good laughs. The music is a way to illustrate tehe situation to children which it does very well. The only thing with the singing is that captain le Shang's singing voice is Donny Osmond...

The signing up scene reminded me so much of some of the sound clips in Red Alert 3 with all the emperor and honour...

The best bit by far is the "Man bit". i was laughing for a solid five minutes, at least. For some reason women trying to act like men is quite funny because (and I don't know why) they always try to complicated... either that or just burp and fart.

Lots of wisdom and wise words are bound to fill your head after watching this film.

I would say, if you don’t like war or Chinese people and prefer Football (English football) and Americans you should watch 'She's the man' - it's pretty much the same thing. WATCH MULAN NOW!

Review of film: 100 million BC

2009-04-04T23:28:00.005+01:00

In a Word: Laughable.

In 446 words:

Oh dear. Ken Locsmandi deserves a slap.
Now, see when I clicked on the link to this I thought I was getting the film with the guy from 'the mummy' in it, wrong film.

While watching this shameful film I felt as though I was watching an 85 minute long Red alert 2 cut scene - with dinosaurs. The graphics were so bloody bad! Get your proportions right! I’m no longer a large fan of dinosaurs but I know that wasn't called a "fillagolopinawhoowa" (ok they didn't call it that, but something equally ridiculous) it was either: T-rex or Giganotosaurus, neither of which lived 100 million years ago. trust me I know this because I’m awesome...

A man, in the 1950s, sent his brother and friends back in time to a long time ago (not quite a galaxy far, far away) to the time when giant lizards ruled the earth. The team’s time device broke so they were stranded in the past. The crew leave cave paintings as messages to Frank, the man who sent them.

Frank feels bad so he waits 60 years and then goes to save them. This is one of those "you're the best we have" films. So, the best they have is sent with frank to save the previous crew of 20. Now. Remember there are dinosaurs and time travel. There’s the story. Simple.

"The best they have" go through the worm-hole and all are fine apart from one guy, who got embedded into a tree upon entry. Believe when I say (where ever you go I’m gonna be there) Half of "the best" get taken out by two raptors and one gets his face shot off by a plant. I was disappointed. Seriously, you know you’re on low pay when your face gets shot off by a plant.

Anyway... they find the three people, who've now been there for 6 years.
they go back, frank has to stay behind to close the worm-hole, gets eaten instead, Hench Giganotosaurus gets through the hole and terrorises the modern whole. The city I can only describe as "The place from GTA: San Andreas" but with worse graphics.

So there you have it, a crap film with a crap ending and crap face acting. Face acting (as I put it) is expressions; the brother in this film had the "OH SHI-" face on all the time!

a few more nit-picks which don’t require detail: Why is every one driving the same hummer? Why don't you just shoot the damn thing in the eye? Wouldn’t that kill you like in 'Time cop'? What the fuck is that fucking beeping noise? You're not 'The Lost World'

Rant Blog.

2009-04-02T23:59:00.002+01:00

Is now up. Trust me i just had the fifth worst night ever. it's now 12 and i've been doing music coursework for about 4 hours and still shit.

www.emyrant.blogspot.com

theres nothing on it yet but tomorrow there will be! you can count on it.

2009-04-01T17:27:00.003+01:00

Hey! Thanks again to all the followers!

Well, I just want to say I got it wrong in my last post!
Art ist won the compitition! It just didn't get entered by email.

Just a quick question, do you guys think I should start a new blog for rants?
I have quite alot on my chest and I feel like letting it off to some random people I don't know! Some of the rants may be personal and about people but they will also be about public transport, "wiff waff" (maybe) and other things that annoy me.

Review: Having Duel monitors.

2009-03-31T19:09:00.005+01:00

Yes that is my room. 10 points if you can guess what the poster is.

In a word: Wesker

In 289 words:

Yes. I do feel like bloody Albert Wesker with duel monitor, though one maybe largely outsized by the other. It's not that I've been owner of one of the largest pharmaceutical companies and started about 20,000,000 zombie out-breaks, it's that I feel powerful being able to watch my mouse zoom between screens.

Ok, I'll stop making 'Resident Evil' references (for now). So to run in duel monitor you will obviously need two monitors but you will also have to have a decent graphics card. My set up is my 22" in 1680x1050 in digital and my... other one in analogue. Analogue has a blue plug and digital has a white plug with squares in it. Apparently digital gives a better picture, so I’m told.

Now we come to usefulness. Having two monitors is very useful. A bit surreal, but useful. More space, better for playing games while on any IM, more fun and it makes you look really cool!
That’s why I love Duel monitor. You can have clone screen mirror screen and all sorts but I think it depends on what graphics card you have, I have quite an old one so maybe you might be able to. It's just like having a REALLY big monitor, accept with a large gap in the middle...

Some bad things are clashing resolutions and picture quality. The left screen is incredibly fuzzy. If you do get Duel screen, may I advise you get Two of the same monitor and either a both analogue or both digital graphics card.

The only thing I don't like about having duel monitors is that 'world of goo's pointer sometimes goes onto the other screen

Oh and no one won the competition because no one entered.

Review of game: World of Goo

2009-03-29T00:57:00.003Z

http://2dboy.com/games.php?ref=demo1

In a word: addictive.

In 348 words:

I think I just played this game for an hour straight. I'm not actually sure because I was so immersed in the cute little Physics game that I didn't realize what was going on around me (not that anything did happen). WOAH! My computer clock just scared the hell out of me and moved the clock forward, so I thought I'd just sat there for an hour. Any way, this is an art-work game, but a game none-the-less. It's not as adventurous as Half-life or Command and Conquer but it has a charm, The kind of charm where you stay in all day playing it on a rainy afternoon just to see what kind of scaffold you will have to construct next.

Upon first seeing this I thought "what the hell?!" then I was shown what to do by a friend and I immediately fell in love. I'm a fan of almost any Physics game but this one stands out like a tree in a field of grass. The simple yet Beautiful Design of 'Goo' makes up completely to lack of explanation, but nowadays every little thing in a game is printed out in bold writing, so it's nice to have a break from all the seriousness.

The game play is fresh and simple. Connect the blobs. That's all. A certain level of ingenuity is needed but only a low level. I had an absolute blast while playing this and at the end of the demo I felt a massive sense of accomplishment and pride. There is a massive range of levels such as, lengthening a frog's tongue, building across cliffs and a "regurgitation" level - my favourite by far!

I would definitely recommend this game to any one who has a Wii or PC, whether young or not so young, you will have as much of a blast as me. I was also astonished when I found out this game was only made by two men and to them I say "well-bloody-done" and do you think you could give me a job when I graduate from Uni?

Review of film: The fly (1986)

2009-03-27T23:00:00.005Z

First of all, thank you to all the followers! Now, onto the film.

In a word: slow.

In 707 words:

A science convention, a physicist and a journalist. What could happen?
Well, the physicist says to a woman something about changing the world and they go back to his... place...
He has devised contraptions which allow things to teleport. He demonstrates his "Telepods" to his new friend, veronica who (as it turns out) is a journalist. She records the meeting and shows it to her editor.

Later, Seth (the physics guy) persuades her to document his findings and shaPOW! They end up in bed together, did not see that one coming...

oh wait! Did I mention that the editor was Veronica's ex boyfriend? Well neither did the film. So what's his name gets jealous and decides "hey you know what? Im'a be a dick and do this story in my paper". so veronica rages at him for a while and they come to an agreement that i can't really remember because it was so long ago. it's not that the film is too long (even though it is a good old 95 minutes) it's that it goes by at snails pace.

So the documentation continues and they try the 'Telepods' with a monkey - sorry a Baboon.
BAD IDEA! The baboon ends up the other side inside out. not very nice just after having mince meat...

so some research happens and smart man Seth finds that he has to reprogram the computer to configure the tissue correctly. Another Baboon is chosen to be tested and it worked! Yay, for all.

Lady-friend Veronica leaves to rage at her ex and Seth, with clear inexperience in the social world (like me) thinks she may be going back to her old lover. With this new-found sadness, Seth decides to test himself out in the 'Telepods'. While he sets up his equipment there is a distinct buzzing and we all know what’s coming next. he gets in the 'Telepod' with a fly. Luckily he comes out of the other end seemingly unchanged. to be honest i was expecting it to be like 'the Simpsons' episode.

So the love carry's on between Seth and Veronica, though Seth is getting pretty pro in bed and now has abnormal fitness.
Assuming the fitness comes from being de-particliesed and put back together again Seth goes a little potty and tries to makes Veronica go through, yet doesn't want to. He gets annoyed and finds some one else, who also doesn't go through. Seth tells Veronica to never return.

A few days later, however, he notices weird hair that hurts when he tries to shave, soon after that, his nails come off.
His deformation continues as he gets more and more traits off his Tele-buddy.

Then (and this is why you should use a condom) Veronica finds out she's preggers with fly-boy's baby. Then some exiting but wholly predictable things happen.

The end, I thought was actually quite good, though it left me a bit in the dark. I thought that the idea of using the third 'Telepod' was cleaver but I don't get why he tried to fuse him, Veronica and the baby into one. Surely that would just mess up all memories.

Splendid indeed was the acting and make-up. It has Geff Golblum in it who i quite like and Geena Davis who looks a bit funny. The make-up made Seth seem like a real fly-man right up until his jaw got snatched off and he kind of just, fell apart and turned full-fly.

The filming was so smooth i didn't notice it, which unless I’m watching the 'Blair witch project' is a very good thing indeed. Oh lord, the quotes. This is the film that brought to you: "be afraid, be very afraid" but seriously i don't see how this film is a horror. My favourite quote has definitely got to be
"I'm onto something huge!"
"What? His cock?!" Nothing is going to beat that (apart from maybe some from 'Pure Pwnage').

So, over all it's way to slow paced, yet I enjoyed it and maybe the next thing I review I will really, really hate. Watch this if you want a laugh or some fake porn with a twist. If you liked this, you might want to see 'earth Vs the Spider'.

Review of Website: Ebuyer.

2009-03-24T20:54:00.004Z

You still have five days left to enter the Competition: Draw a picture of a scene and email it to me at chugalum@hotmail.com. The winner will be announced Monday night. The prize is: my notes of films that I've reviewed (and some I haven't).

www.ebuyer.com

In a word: Cheap

In 254 words:
cheap as chips.

If you are looking to build a new computer (like me) or just need some spare parts i would suggest only Ebuyer, possibly because it's the only website i know that sells computer parts or maybe because it can save you a hell of a lot of money!

I, myself just spent all my £150 on a motherboard, 2 sticks of 1GB RAM and a wireless optical mouse. I have previously bought a sleek, shiny new PC case which cost a mere £40 (including VAT and shipping). The shipping is of high standard, next day delivery unless you order after 8PM.

Now, as I muse at myself taking the absolute mick out of my friend and listen to painfully bad music, I realize that the case I ordered was slightly different to the case i received. Only a minor detail on the side but now I fear, slightly, that my Motherboard will blow up and cause the apocalypse...
Ok. that won’t happen, that’s The Hadron Collider’s job.

They have the widest range of components I have ever seen; from Wii accessories to full computers they will probably have just what you want/need. as well as a lot of stock, they also have heavily descriptive passages, pictures and even videos of products in use.

If you are looking to buy a Playstation 3, definitely get it from here; £275.98, unless you have a mate called dodgy Dave...

so, I would definitely advise this website to you and wish you luck with everything!

Review of film: Braindead/Dead Alive.

2009-03-23T21:37:00.005Z

Yes it's one film with two titles.

In a word: Grim.

In 568 words:

I have no idea where to begin.
Well it's about Zombies, so where does the infection start?
The answer to that is Plagued rats raped tree monkeys’, forming the rat-monkey or Sumatran. One of these Sumatran is taken to a zoo in New Zealand (that throws all Yahtzee jokes out the window...).
A spying mother follows her son and his gal' to their date at a zoo and while hiding in the bushes gets bitten by the skanky rat-monkey. The thing about this i didn't see coming was mumsy curb squishing the rat-bag.

I think this is the second film I’ve seen this month where some ones face falls off...
so mother (a lily savage look-a-like) is sick in bed and is starting to, how to put it? decompose? well anyway a nurse is called in and while in presence of the dying woman and, in turn, gets her head ripped off. Lovely. Lionel (the son) then, locks the zombies in the cellar.

Somehow his mother has a funeral and is buried. Though in the time between the funeral and his mother’s death, he has been keeping them at bay with Tranquilizer. For some reason he needs to dig his mum up, but is stopped by a gang of punks, one of witch get his balls ripped off. so the mother has broken out, creating more fiends. Hearing all the commotion the priest jumps out and says the best line ever: I kick arse for the lord". And so he does. But ends up being bitten in the funniest way ever. A severed zombie head lands on his shoulder and bites him. What bad luck.

So with all four zombies away in the basement, two of them actually have sex and make an undead child. I have no idea how that works but it's amazingly hilarious!

Lionel’s uncle somehow stumbles upon the dead four and threatens to call the police unless Lionel surrenders the money and the house, which he does.
now owning the house uncle les, throws a party!
I sense a zom-fest!

And from then on it's a literal (in some parts) bloodbath. To tell the truth I actually felt slightly sick in some parts. But after a while the gore effects (which actually got special mention in the opening credits) are very comical.

Some of my favourite quotes are from this film, including; "I got a bad feelin’", "well maintained frontage" (unlike the acting), "your mother ate my dog" and "haven't seen mum yet". The accent nails the films style, over the top, 50's hopelessness. I couldn't help notice the uncle sounds a lot like the soldier from Team Fortress 2, especially when he says "you maggot".

So according to this film how do you rid the world of zombies?
Lawn mower. Simple.
If I had to compare this film to another, it would have to be evil dead 2. They have the same trapped-in-house feeling, which gives it a certain edge.

One thing I want to know is why; in nearly every zombie film does some one get their stomach ripped about the place? I mean it's cool for the effects team, but it gets a little repetitive, but not when the zombie's organs kill people.

over all: this film is a must see. No question. The only thing they need is for the mum, at the end to say "GET IN MAH BELLEH!”

One last thing. I think I might do a competition. The task is to draw me a picture of what-ever is out side your window or your local park, any scene really. I will chose the winner and you can submit your picture via email to Chugalum@hotmail.com. The prize will be all my notes on the films I have reviewed and some ones that I didn’t get round to finishing. You should probably add your address in the email and your name. You have until Sunday midnight. Winner should be announced on Monday.

Review of film: Eraserhead.

2009-03-20T23:42:00.004Z

In a word: bazaar

In 407 words:

A film leading the way in the What-the-fuck genre. Seriously I had no clue what-so-ever, what was going on while watching this, slack jawed all the way through.

this hour and twenty-five minute long black and white trip, begins with the jokers brother pulling a few switches, then he are thrown into a world of bazaaraties. Henry goes to see his girlfriend and stays with her family for dinner. for their awkward meal they have mini chicken which bleeds from the whole whenever you are about to carve it.

Some weird stuff happens then we find out Henry-boy has had a rather strange little baby. This baby, however, is like no other. Smooth slimy skin and a long thin neck extruding from a peble-ish head down into a bundle of bandages.

The baby does not stop crying for about the same length of time as the ice age, suggesting the film is set in Haringey...

After that there really is no story, just strange happenings. At one point Henry's head pops up and we see a replica baby poking out from his remaining neck.

On a scale factor from one to ten of what-the-fuck i would give it a solid 9.3. Loads of things happen that not even a thesaurus could describe. The only other film I think I could compare it to is the evil dead 2 and doesn't even come close. Most of the sound is ambiance and the dialog is kept to a bare minimum. The first voice comes in ten minutes into the film. Which by then in ‘The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy’, the Earth had been demolished...

The cast comprises of the joker's brother and the family of admiral Ackbar. The acting I would say is brilliant, creating the awkward and shifty atmosphere to allow such horrors to become acceptable to the average not-a-freak person. Another thing allowing my head not to blow up is the effects creating a sense of realism.

I thought the end was mostly inconclusive and maybe could have done with more than a bottle of spray cream going over the top. Had this film been a person, it would be sitting in a dark corner twitching and listening to extreme minimalism.

Over all, if you're looking for a film to freak you out a little, go for it. If you're just looking for a nice ol' black n' white, it's best to keep on looking.

This is not a review.

2009-03-19T20:59:00.003Z

I just thought I would write a little about myself.

Well...
I'm 16 and I'm taking my GCSEs in 2 months. Not sure I’ll do too well.
When I'm older I would like to make video games. I am a very big fan of games and PC is my thing, planning to build one in the summer but i don't know if I’ll have enough money.

I’m starting to think i should get out on my bike more, but the weather in London sucks and i find it quite hard to breathe on the heavily polluted roads.

I do have to say it's quite hard being a teenager in London as every one thinks you're either going to destroy all in sight or Blast out bangin' tunes. I do have to contradict this and say that I keep my music at a reasonable level and pay respect to anything that isn’t mine (unless it belongs to someone i really, really hate).
I will only ever get angry in public if the government enrages me by putting up train fares AGAIN or if some one starts insulting me (or if I see my ex).

I enjoy such things as: Crap films, Death note, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, The Terminator, Resident evil, most music (metal, grime, dub step, electro ect), Command and conquer (all of them), Ghost in the shell, the mighty boosh. Well you get the idea.

Back to video games; I’m not the average nerd seeing as I’m slightly under weight. Video games have become a sort of niche now-a-days sporning such shows as Pure Pwnage (pronounced pure ownage), Zero punctuation and Mega64, two of my favourite shows ever!
Though recently Game developers have shoved having fun up their arses and have made games co-op art works. i know it has to be said that some games are art, such as Pac man and spore but modern games aren’t compelling. Sure the story is good but is the game play addictive? Is it a challenge enough without pissing me off? i do miss games that a simple grind as apposed to a complex button mash grind.

Any way...
I love old films! Especially crappy old films!
They make me smile.

Also preferably not blogs for suggested reviews, I’m not a big fan of reading.

Ask if there’s anything else you want to know.

Review of blog: Kim Reviews - Top Blogs of The Day

2009-03-19T16:10:00.003Z

In a word: Kind

In 175 words:

Thank you Kim

Well I have to say it's a kind Blog, which expresses, writer, Kim’s interest in fellow bloggers. I was pleasantly surprised to find lots and lots of related links to the Blogs she has reviewed which gives great support and traffic.

I found the blog to be quite comic and funny which is always good! i chuckled quite often while reading many of the frequently posted entries. There is also a small chat box embedded in the page allowing you to contact various people.

There where only two things I could find fault in, the mass of adverts and the grammar (which maybe part of the style, I'm not sure).
I'm not really a fan of adverts so they annoyed me quite a lot, but I suppose they can get you money.

The grammar I don’t think I will comment on as I may not be one to talk (being dyslexic an’ all).

All in all I think this blog is very informative and useful if you seek knowledge of the internet.

Review of film: Repo the genetic opera

2009-03-18T18:00:00.002Z

In a word: amazing!

In 451 words:

Firstly I must apologise. I didn’t take many notes of this film, simply because I was sitting in awe for an hour and a half.

The story is simple but then again, who cares?
The world begins to deteriorate due to an epidemic of organ failure, but lukily Gene-co has found a way of making organ transplants amazingly easy.

Next thing you know every ones getting organ transplants. But. Not every one can pay for the surgery, so a man is sent out to reposes the organs implanted into the dreading people.

Lot’s of exiting things happen along this colourful, yet grim journey. My favourite of these events has to be Paris Hilton’s face falling off. The colour from this story comes from a rather entertaining comic style narration which allows the back story to be put across with out some sort of confusing “wait is this a flashback” scene which I often find aggravating.

The visual effects in this are seeming-less and not once did I ever question if any of the hearts and gore where real. Yes, as you can see, it’s guts galore so again not one for you squeamish peoples.

The film starts straight off and we get to know the characters through the impressive Comic strips so that means no getting bored while a depressing monolog drifts past unconcerned ears. The characters are well portrayed by the modern upbeat music and to be honest there was only one song that annoyed me, which was the 17 one, and frankly she deserved that slap. Most of the characters are freaks. A surgery addict, a man with some one else’s strapped on to his and a woman with holographic eyes, could this be better than a note book that kills people or a red fat man with a giant hand? Well, yes to the latter

Acting: now for me the acting was top notch! I was laughing for ages at the fact that Rupert Giles from ‘Buffy’ was playing the part of a ninja surgeon. Every time he started to sing I had a flash back of an episode of ‘buffy’ I saw when every one started to burst out in song and dance then explode into flames. Every one fits very well into their parts, weather they are ninjas or spoilt daughters. If I had to chose a favourite, I would defiantly choose the Repo.

I thought that the end was amazing, though a little unclear and I kind of expected it but not really… if that makes sense.

Some of the singing was a bit off, but forgivable. So over all it’s an excitingly fresh and eccentric film that will make you laugh your nose off.

Review: Mutter (album release 2001)

2009-03-17T12:34:00.003Z

In a word: Powerful

In 204 words:

"BANG, BANG!"
I’m sorry, I love this album as it is the album I would chose for a high-speed car chase or killing lots of evil things!
some of you (if you've seen xXx) will know feuer frei and will agree it hits the spot for an adrenalin rush.

Till Lindermann, maybe doesn't have the nicest voice, but i can't help thinking that any ones voice wouldn't fit, it would be like Alan Carr playing The Terminator. His strong, rich voice could surge through any persons circulatory system instead of blood and I’m pretty sure they would be able to take down an animal of ten times their size.

Thought their music is relatively simple (compared to the likes of arch enemy ect) but so much better in my opinion. Before Rammstein I had never heard of industrial metal but it seems like a terrific blend heavy guitar and eccentric sound effects.

Over all I think this music is great. No question. i would defiantly advise you to buy this album! Lyrics maybe unsuitable for children that speak German and album artwork is extremely messed up.
If you like the album go check them out live! mein teil live at Völkerball is the best!

The Graduate (1967)

2009-03-17T01:35:00.003Z

In a word: mindfuck

In 494 words:

if I had to put this film into a genre, I would have to make a new one, called what-the-fuck.

So we start off with a nice simple intro where a neat, high scoring student is getting praise from a whole load of people. Apparently he was top of his classes and hosted a range of different activities in his school.

so as you can guess Ben (the main character) wants to get away from every one and hides in his room away from the blabbering party. A lost woman stumbles into his room and he ends up taking her home. Now, for me this film was agonisingly annoying. he couldn't just leave her house could he? Mrs. Robinson (which is also the name of my English teacher) seduces Ben, though Ben escapes with only "call me"

One night Ben decides "hey you know what? I think I’ll call that woman that's, like, at least 20 years older than me". They book a hotel room and get it on. Oh, by the way, she has a husband and daughter. Messed up stuff. This goes on for quite some time, demonstrated by one of the best montages I’ve ever seen.

Ben is soon under pressure by Mr. Robinson and his own parents to take out Elaine Robinson - The daughter, who Ben has been told is off limits according to mother...

so can you guess what happens?
They have a great date! Which results in a "let's go out tomorrow".
Mother swiftly Foils the plan by threatening to tell Elaine about the affair, BUT Ben tells Elaine before mother can and gets a metaphorical curb-stomp (don't click on the link if you're squeamish, or don't like KoRn...).

So any way I kind of lost the plot there.
This is a slightly awkward film that left me saying "YOUR MUM" for quite a lot of it.
It made me feel a bit too anxious though. if hate anxiety.
Acting, I thought was really, really good though the voices did annoy me quite a bit...

The sound was not great as the editing was kind of messy.
Wonderful music accompanies the film throughout although there is only so much rosemary and thyme I can take before I go crazy and shave off my eyelashes.

The camera shots impressed me and I though that the film was well put together, then again I think that 'zombies zombies zombies' is well put together (trust me it's a real film).

Over all it's a bit strange at the beginning (ok, I had to have a break halfway through to rethink my morals) but towards the end it gets better and better! as I said it is a "WHAT THE HELL?!" kind of film but it's all worth it for the hilarious ending which I realized was what the Simpsons were taking the piss out of one episode. I would probably say this is a film to see before you die.

Please request.

2009-03-16T15:59:00.002Z

feel free to request reviews of you favourite website, film, song or maybe even food (if i can afford it).

I'm very bored and not had the best of days.

Dead Space: Downfall

2009-03-15T09:55:00.005Z

As I drift soullessly about the internet, I struggle to find film titles that sway me into watching them. If I could watch any film at this point it would definitely be Jason and the Argonauts. I love old films. My all time favourite old film is Hercules in New York, staring Arnold Schwarzenegger (it's his first film) a Hercules get bored of mount Olympus and asks his father, Zeus, if he can stay on earth for a while. It is a must see as there is a scene in which Arnie wrestles with a man dressed as a bear. No joke.

so back to me trying to find a film to review.
AVAST! I have struck gold crew!

Dead space!

In a word: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGGGG

In 496 words:

right, deep space mining blady bla, miners find a large spire that belongs to some kind of alien race.
At the same time the spiral is found, strange murders and suicides commence, could they be related? Yes, but that's not the point. a Religious group called the unitologists (personally I think it's a cover for scientology) say they need to retrieve the artefact and take it to earth.
The Ishimura comes to extract the strange twizler but half way through doing so they lose contact with the colony, So naturally a small vessel is sent down to check up on what's going on.

a narrow dark passage leads one of the crew to his wife, screams can be heard bouncing off the steel walls. When he sees her slashed and tortured body treading lightly over crushed glass he finds it hard to believe. He finds it even harder to believe she slits her throat right in front of him.

he pointlessly takes her back to his ship and races towards the Ishimura, whose crew realized what’s fishy about the spire. They close all ports to stop any threats. despite all efforts to stop the pilot of the small vessel, it slips though but little does the pilot know, his wife has turned fugly and starts to gnaw on his shoulder.

So as you can imagine, the monsters head to the morgue and resurrect it's residents. Evil would be a good way to describe the way these monsters look (see what i did there?). The monsters spread like zombies; though once you get killed a giant floating sting-ray humps your face.

The straight thinking commander of security (something like that) thinks only about the people and sets off to bust some cap in some fugly bitches. While failing with bullets and half her team dead, a very calm scientologist turns up with a HENCH light-sabre chainsaw thing and massacres the evil things.

The team decide that they also want light-saws and head for the store cupboard.

So the film is pretty much the same thing all the way apart from the end which is one of those ending that makes you say "OH SHI-"

The film is anime and very well done, unless it wasn't the website messing up the video audio sync. I now see how the game dead space won the award for best audio use in the video game BAFTAs.

I've never played the game before but now i really want to. The film is a large anime into scene to the game, dead space.

It features actors that I've never heard of before such as Jim Cummings, Kelly Hu and Nika Futterman.

Strong use of contrast is used through out making the creepy part even more colour draining-ly scary.

Over all; watch it. If you don’t enjoy the thick animalistic gore then you’re not watching it right. I mean, where else are you going to get an evil baby with tenticles killing people?

Review of film: Transmorphers.

2009-03-14T16:25:00.005Z

Transmorphers.

In a Word: LOL

In 491 words:

Made in 2007, directed by Leigh Scott, this film features a tail of man verses machine, with a twist.

The machines are an evil alien race that have decided to invade earth on their conquest to be dicks.

It’s never ever made clear why they invaded and forced a baffled humanity underground, because that’s never happened before…

The DVD case shows beautiful graphic-bad-ass robot and even more bad-ass people shooting at it. This is not the film.

Have you ever played or heard of perimeter?

Thas is the film.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perimeter_(video_game)

The graphics are diabolical! I mean, I love crappy films but please. This is just too bad. QQ

The Set and costumes could have been greatly improved; for instance, the costumes could have been sexier and more flexible, the set could have consisted more than dark grey cardboard and the camera man could have laid off the booze.

The acting was a rigid as Ms. Norris when she got petrified by the basilisk.

The voices are a variation from as shaky as a metronome up Kilimanjaro to as stern as, well, a ships stern…

The audio editing is awful. Pure gob from the mouth of Rorschach

The characters (maybe due to lame acting) aren’t very well portrayed which make the story very hard to follow as there are about 20 main characters. I also had trouble remembering names, although that may have been because I had lost interest after 20 minutes. We start out with about 4 people to remember – that’s fine, I can handle that – then two of them die and we are fired into a room with people we don’t know talking about their wives and people that have been frozen.

Lack of plot. There is some plot but what little of it there is does not make any sense at all. As you could have guessed it isn’t a try at Transformers (which is a hell load better). So there are evil aliens on your planet that have created eternal night and will kill you in an instant; what do you do? According to this film you unfreeze a man convicted of treason and let him and a sexy woman control the fate of humanity. The humans have a weapon against the machine that can take out large numbers of them. This weapon is called Emag, which made me laugh as the learning support centre at my school is also called Emag.

Though with this lack of plot, they managed to get one of the most unexpected things i think I’ve ever come across!

So over all that was about an hour and a half of my life gone. Never to return.

Only watch it if you can sit and stare at the same picture for a million years.

Also I would strongly advise epileptics to not watch this film as there is an extreme over use of lightning which doesn’t have thunder rolling on after it.

Today is possibly the best day...

2009-03-12T22:32:00.006Z

what a day I've had!

My day started off with me purchasing Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3: Uprising (bloody long name) which took near 7 hours to download.
so while that boulder stewed away I went for a collage interview at City and Islington which used up a few hours of my time, and on return i had lunch with my dad and rang my mum to tell her i got in to CandI.

After lunch i returned to school and it was lunch break so i hung round with my friends (mean while RA3 uprising was still chugging away).
my last lesson was science, where we learnt about transformers, which actually interested me quite a bit.

after my hour of being talked at I returned home only to find out i had forgotten my keys and my dad was out. While texting my mum in the door way to inform her of my misfortune some one very famous (I’m not at liberty to say who) returned to their house next door. I actually got invited in for tea which I accepted without pause.

Some time later I got a call from my dad saying he was home so I came back home, very happy. I then installed Uprising and played through the whole of Yuriko's campaign.

i then read some of watchmen and ate some food.

C&C: RA3: Uprising:

In a Word: extravagant.

In 311 Words:

Wow!
I thought RA3 was amazing but holy crap is this thing wonderful?!

Best expansion I have ever heard of.

I’ve not had enough time to play through all the campaigns or the Generals challenge, but Yuriko's is pretty pro. The back-story of the phyonic (not sure of the spelling) school girl is revealed (though quite hazily) through a series of news casts and missions which are unlike any before. dodging attacks and throwing beds are all part of the strategy needed to complete this winding story.

Skirmish: Christ. Giant Floating Robotic heads, vehicles that can only be described as the T103 from the terminator 3, the return of the missed Desolators, cyber archers and something that resembles the MARV from CNC3, are all available in a Played Vs CPU match. I would have loved the creators of this game if they enabled online play but I suppose that noobs would get so badly beaten they may just die where they sit. This game does have a severe case of "if i get this unit, I will be unstoppable" which, by me, is fine.

The acting is cringe worthy, though that is part of the reason why we love C&C games. It would seem that they have struck miracle with red alert as they have a more star studded cast than most of the films I love! naturally the game has imported a load of sexy women to entertain male players all the more by wearing inappropriately low tops, and in real life i can only see them being called names for it...

The Music is keeping up its epic reputation by being totally awesome! hardcore is all you need to know!

Over all I think you should go and buy it now! it's download only so you will need an internet connection to install it, and you will need rather good specs.
Good luck pwning!

Requested Review: www.Hulu.com

2009-03-12T09:23:00.004Z

In a word: All-American

In 202 words:

First impression is good, nice clean display, seemingly easy navigation and easy to read text.

I just want to state I am English, and to me it would appear that Hulu.com is only for American TV. So therefore it's marked down slightly as i don't really know of many American series apart from Diagnosis murder and Friends.

The search bar is well organized, meaning you wont get hot girls xxx if you search in Shaun of the dead.

You must have an Account to watch videos, TV or Movie, which I’m not obliged to make as I have the Nazi IP, Virgin. But I must to review it so…

Creating an account: this is the most hilarious account creation ever, you can select birth date from as far as 1870. Aside from the date of birth the account creation is practicly the same as every other website apart from that you need an American zip code which I’m not I’m position of... so no videos for me.

Well looks like I’m limited on this one, so ill stick with it's a very pretty site and i'm sure the videos are high quality.

It slightly reminds me of a greyer Veoh.com

To sum it up: I think I would have a lot more fun, should it go global.

E_M_Y Reviews: Hobnobs creams (chocolate)

2009-03-07T01:14:00.000Z

Bought from a local shop for 99p I'd say these tasty crumbles are a good way to quench munchy hunger (though they may dry out your mouth).

In a word: balanced

In 102 words:

first placed on the tongue, the dry oat biscuit disintegrates slightly drying the surrounding area which is then countered once the first bite is taken. the chocolate cream melts easily in your mouth (unlike aero which takes an age) sending the dryness to run for it's life. like a thick velvet blanket it coats tooth and gum alike with irresistible taste.
Now, I'm a fan of pretty much any biscuit that testes good but flippin heck leave your house now, by some of these, return to house and see what I'm talking about.

To sum up i would say "om nom nom"

First up.

2009-03-06T18:54:00.000Z

My name is E_M_Y (obviously not my real name) I'm just gonna review some random stuff such as; films, T.V. programs, mugs, politics, music, games and other stuff like that.

So i thought I'd start off reviewing an old film. i mean old as in 1962.

'The brain that wouldn't die'

In a word: mishap.

In 261 words:

The Film starts off with a chilling, frail voice stating: "Let me die - let me die!"
then we fade into a slightly rigid surgery scene, in which a doctor tries an extremely unorthodox... brain heart massage thing. as you can imagine - the doctor states how amazing he is and flaunts off with his wife-to-be to his country house (yeah i thought he was a bit of a dick too) where there is apparent danger from the closet.

On the way to said house, speeding goes tits up and a limp, frail hand is visible then flops off screen. oh yeah, and she's pregnant I think... maybe she isn't it's hard to tell.

Smart-arse doctor runs to his country house with a small bundle and declares when he arrives: "there was a terrible accident, I've got to save her" in one of the most unconvincing voices ever.

So, after looking at some tubes for a while we are subjected to wifey's head rigged up to some sort of thing...

Any way, in fear of giving the story away I'll just settle with; it's slow moving, simple dialog and some parts don't really make sense or maybe that was just me not paying attention due to mates on msn...
The effects are surprisingly good for a film of the time. I like the idea of a "thing" in the cupboard. best thing about it i would have to say is: the title at the beginning (The Brain That Wouldn't Die) is different to the end title (The Head That Wouldn’t Die)